Artist Story: Josh Chicoine

There’s this great quote from Wallace Shawn at the beginning of My Dinner with Andre: “When I was ten years old, I was rich, I was an aristocrat, riding around in taxis, surrounded by comfort, and all I thought about was art and music. Now I’m 36, and all I think about is money.” 

I am no aristocrat, but there was a time in my mid 20s, right around 1999, that Chicago was full of artistic promise and possibility. I carried a tape recorder and camera to document all of the moments of quiet revelation. I lived (illegally) in a warehouse loft with a crazy builder and hoarder of trashy treasures along with his dancer/actor girlfriend (also crazy), and we rolled cigarettes and dreamed of all the things we would build, make, and do. The world seemed so rich, open-ended—just waiting for me to fill in the blanks. From there, I formed a band called The M’s and toured around the country opening for bigger acts in big venues.

Music has played a central role in my life for as long as I can remember. When I was in first grade at Robeson Elementary School in Champaign, IL, Mrs. Edwards would bribe me to stop singing, humming, and tapping by offering a few minutes of headphone time on the prized record player. During long car trips out west with my family I remember improvising harmonies to whatever was on the radio. I’m no savant, but while my friends could hardly carry a tune, playing music/singing was like breathing for me. I could have never guessed how integral my self-taught plinkings on the guitar would be to my notion of self.

After forming The M's, I moved into film and founded the Chicago International Movies and Music Festival (CIMMfest), which I currently co-direct. I am now working on a solo recording and have two great kids and a fantastic wife. Maintaining balance can be a challenge. Now that I’m a father with a mortgage and yada yada, it’s difficult to categorize each activity as value-producing or not. Creative expression thus becomes an even more complex pursuit.

This life of an artist, motivated by passionate wanderings, is not easy for most. Doubt may creep around every corner—or every time you look at your bank statement. "Why bother?” can become a depressing mantra. The lucky few, endowed with benefactors, great talent, great luck, or all of the above, are far outnumbered by the many on the long slog—those torn between the need to express and the need to progress financially and professionally in the world. Artists thus divide into two groups: those who are led and those who lead.

In quiet moments, those who are led listen intently to their surroundings and intuition in the hopes that, for whatever reason, today will bear lasting fruit, unfettered by the bills unpaid, the trash waiting under the sink, or the strange, unidentified smell coming from the back stairwell. Those who lead take care of the smell and the bills and pick up the kids and get a good night’s rest. According to David Foster Wallace, what you’re left with is a simple choice. You can see your inner errand-runner as a contemptuous drag, stealing minutes and hours from your free and higher self or you can see it as part of the whole and make the grand and very mature attempt to slow down.

I was very satisfied to deny all this while on tour and under the lights, but I realized, after returning to empty bank accounts and tortured relationships, that it’s the balance that keeps my work real for me and real for the people who I hope will come with me and share the journey. It’s the balance in my life that has allowed me to take a leap every few years or so and start down a new and exciting path.

At the end of My Dinner With Andre, the Wallace Shawn character has sat and listened to Andre talk about the daily grind as a burden to be overcome in order to be free and reach the self’s true creative potential. Ultimately, Mr. Shawn is unconvinced. He knows that reading the paper and fretting over events beyond his control informs his art and, in fact, is necessary for its creation. Out of even the smallest struggle, there's potential for growth. My struggles are small relative to most, but I feel compelled to use them however I can to contribute to culture.

Josh Chicoine is a musician, festival director, artist, builder, and destroyer. Born in 1973 in Carthage, IL, he was raised in Champaign, IL. After graduating from college in '95, he moved to Chicago to join his first band, Jamestown. He discovered the artist's life and dove in headfirst, building many home studios in various lofts and basements and, in 2000, forming the four-piece collective, The M's. He made three records, toured, recorded soundtracks and commercial recordings, and accompanied friends on their pursuits. In 2008, he founded the Chicago International Movies and Music Festival (CIMMfest) with filmmaker Ilko Davidov. He is currently performing in a three-piece singing group called Cloudbirds.

The third annual CIMMfest is scheduled for April 14–17, 2011. The Fest is currently seeking volunteers.